So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
Randomize
