he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
He keeps bees of course he's weird
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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