grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
She was raised with a wonderful home life. I can't do anything with that.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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