he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize