If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
Randomize
