so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Captain and coke. And it's not drinking alone cuz i have a dog
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
Randomize
