would you consider dating someone with braces an investment?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
before we even ate breakfast we'd found an eighth of weed in some old purse she never uses. it was gone by lunch
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
Also, beer. Big fan.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
