Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
my phone needs a breathalizer
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
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