I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
Randomize
