He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
its liver damage thursday
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