I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
I tried. Now my legs are bleeding and I cracked my head on the coffee table. Never taking your advice again.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
