I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize