oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
Randomize
