If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
I have a challenge for you: find out where you are. you will receive Taco Bell if you succeed
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
I will be wearing a suit out more cuz it has been decided i rage harder with a power tie
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