tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
Randomize
