apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
Randomize
