sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
