Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
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my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
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I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
Was that before, or after strip tac toe.....
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
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