Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
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I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
I'M NOT EVEN STOPPING FOR WINE SO I CAN GET TO THAT DICK QUICKER.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
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