I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
I could fuck to npr.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
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