Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
