dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
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