Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i need gas-x and some way to take back every single thing i did last night.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I lost the right to judge tonight
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
