win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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