508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
