i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
