OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
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