honey bunches of taint.
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
The only thing I remember last night was feeding my dog 4 McDoubles.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
