If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I fought a guy last night because he said "extra pulp orange juice is the best orange juice"
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
