You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
pretty sure i saw you masturbating on chatroulette a minute ago. yes, i can recognize your cock
I THOUGHT I SAW YOU
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
It was so small.
Tiny. Got to love sexting. Imagine finding out the old fashioned way.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
I have a mailbox and I don't know why.
Randomize
