You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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