I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
Randomize
