You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
yolo... Doesn't that stand for 'shut the fuck up'?
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
