my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
after last night i think it would be a good idea if i wrote a will... you know, just in case.
there's a picture of him beating off in the library with a cowboy hat. please steer clear of this one if you ever want to be respected.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
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