I wish they made helmets for livers.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
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