you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
my heart is telling me chinese, but my head is telling me beer.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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