nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
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