Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
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