There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
My sister's exploding appendix just cock blocked me...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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