just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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