If that was your dad, he is hot
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
if tampons were more like dildos the world would be a better place
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
Randomize
