im having a threesome with these popsicles
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize