i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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