well I can't set my house on fire every night
apparently went to arby's at 2:30am banging on the windows for someone to make me a "beefy"
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
She was kind of put off because I kept calling her baby my spirit animal and staring hungrily at her breasts.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's a Shit stain on my heart
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
