the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
New fuck buddy and long time fuck buddy are carpooling home for thanksgiving. #10hrconvoaboutmyblowjobskills
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
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