i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
