Woke up with feathers in my hair. at work. still drunk. sooo awkward.
Sometimes, in the course of human events, people get lit on fire.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
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