I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
