cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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