I think I died a long time ago.
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
Your roommate is pacing with a pen in his mouth flapping like a duck. That brownie got me fucked but not enough to understand this. Come back!
He does that
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
Randomize
