someone owes me an orgasm
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Randomize
