You did not just play the dead husband card again.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I dont know why the TSA people are looking at me wierd. I mean there is no way i am the only hungover college girl here with nine tally marks on her hand and last nights glitter on her face
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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