Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
all the douches that like ed hardy are the same douches that were obsessed with lisa frank
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just had my first experience getting hit on by a guy. It was really awkward, he touched my chest and invited me to a gay bar because "women get drunk and let their guard down at gay bars"
thats actually pretty good logic
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
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