There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
day 8: i just gave goat a piece of pineapple soaked in rum. as an animal science major, im ashamed. as a normal person, it was awesome.
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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