Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
what the fuck. my fiance told me she called our wedding band last night and told them to perform "best i ever had" for our first dance
you passed out on the bathroom floor with the door locked. we had to break in and no one was sober enough to move you so they just threw a towel on you and stepped over you
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Turns out he's old enough to be my dad. I'm so excited. I've never had a sugar daddy before. What should I ask for first!? Want anything?
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
