That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
All I did today at work was try to remember in vivid detail what your cock looks like.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
we just finished making mockaritas... then we prayed
god you guys know how to party
worst. bachelorette party. ever.
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He may only be 25% black, but after that sexual experience I am 100% never going back.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize