the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
