i woke up with my moms heels on underneath your couch cushions
you want 1 or 2 eggos?
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
That's the 3rd negative pregnancy test this month. I'm on a roll.
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