I gave my ex the dutch oven last night. How was your night?
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
It's official! Naked girl is back and making stir fry. Still not sure she realizes we can see her whole apartment from our balcony. Cheap beer and a show.
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