yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
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