So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
And it looks like I sent you 4 failed attempts at the word "hey." Sorry about that.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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