If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Randomize
