Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
I have fence marks all over my body
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
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