Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
A German guy asked me to take a bath with him. I can't tell if he's just an eccentric European or a run of the mill creep.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
